Like a Whisper
by MoonlightGardenias
Summary: She'll be okay. Kate would wake up, and everything would be fine. The problem was that he had trouble believing it himself. One shot, Jack POV. Jate.


**Author's Note: So I have been a Jate fan since pretty much the beginning, and I won't doubt now. I guess the question would be why I wrote this, because it really doesn't have anything to do with any current storylines, and for the most part, it's depressing...but does have a little twinge of a silver lining. Sort Of. Anyways...**

**Um. Well, pretty much, this is a product of spending too much time watching Jack and Kate clips, and repeatedly listening to _Taking the Long Way_ from the Dixie Chicks. That cd is...heh..well, Grammy-winning. That, and there are a few Jate-worthy songs on it. Anyway, hope you enjoy. And review, please?**

**Dislclaimer: I don't own Lost, or Jate...but I plan to soon own more than the dvds I have. Because it just isn't enough.**

* * *

It wasn't supposed to happen. I shouldn't have left her alone. She smiled at me, swore up and down that she'd be fine, and then left for a walk down the beach.

Ever since we got back, things have been different between Kate and me. There was always this awkward understanding, but everytime we looked at each other, there would always be this sad, sorrowful look in her eyes. I never asked her why, because someone else was always there.

Why did I let her walk alone? It shouldn't have made a difference. Kate can defend herself. But the fact that she asked _me._ Not Sun, or Hurley, or even Sawyer. Kate came directly to me, and told me that she was taking a walk, and that if I wanted, I could join her. At the time, I saw a glimpse of hope, a feeling of familiarity in her again, but it disappeared as soon as Juliet walked out of the bushes, carrying a basket of fruit. It's funny how the little things can ruin a moment.

So I let Kate walk alone. I saw that Aaron was crying, and Claire had this desperate look on her face, asking for help. So I helped Claire. I figured it wouldn't have made a difference. Kate had said it was just a walk down the beach, to go clean some clothes. But I can't help but get the feeling that it was supposed to mean something more. Kate is just that way.

And then I heard it. I was holding Aaron when I heard Charlie calling me, only to look up and see him looking clearly distraught. What he was saying didn't make sense. He had trouble forming whole sentences, but from the words 'Kate' 'water' and 'beach'...I knew something was wrong. Handing Aaron back to his mother, I took off with him, trailing not too far behind.

What I saw I wasn't prepared for. A small group had gathered-Hurley, Sun, Jin and a few others, and struggling, I found Kate's crumpled form laying streched out on the beachside. I remember feeling desperate, puzzled for a moment, and tired from my brief sprint.

Kate's pale frame laying on the ground, chest unmoving, leg bleeding, sent a shiver through me, a permanent stain to be forever etched in my mind as my knees hit the sand with a resounding thud. "Everybody, back up."I say, suddenly feeling claustrophobic.

I breathe, hoping for the slightest sign. A flicker.

"Jack-"I hear Juliet say, approaching the group. I don't have to look up to know that she's getting death glares. If this were any other situation I would find time to find something to defend with. "Jack, she's losing blood. We need-"

"Shut up, okay?..The wound...the wound is superficial, she needs to breathe."I say, going back to CPR. I count the chest compressions, suddenly being brought back to a time in my early days as a doctor. It hasn't crossed my mind until this point that I could lose her.

Juliet approaches me, her hand on my shoulder. "Jack-"

"Juliet, please. Okay...I'm...I'm sorry-"I say, finding words difficult to muster. "Come on, Kate..."

I can feel their stares. I can see looks of pity, others holding their breath, hoping for the same outcome I am. I can't leave things unfinished. We've barely talked since we got back, and I haven't felt guilty about it. Until today. "Kate..."I say, trying again. "One...Two...Three-"

"At least let me clean her leg, Jack. If it stands out, it could get infected."

Not willing to move, afraid that if I break contact, Kate will disappear, I sigh, ignoring the question. I keep telling myself that if she's breathing, that it's a sign. That the cut on her leg can wait, though the sand has a certain red tint to it.

"Four...Five."

And it hits me. Like a ton of bricks. Tears flood my eyes, clouded with frustration. It's been almost ten minutes, and I'm not getting a reaction. By now, Sayid has worked his way through the crowd, past Charlie and Juliet to offer his help. "Jack, if she can breathe now, she will on her own. She is-"

"Don't say it, Sayid. You can't-We can't..."A lump forms in my throat, shaking. "I can't lose her."

I can't describe it really. Scenes flash in my mind of days past. Times when I have helped her, or she has helped me, and inevitably mixed in with them I see her cradled in Sawyer's arms. Strangely enough it's his face that I don't see when I glance up at the crowd of people. A pain twists itself, manifesting in my gut. It shouldn't have happened, but a thought crosses my mind that it's my fault.

It's my fault. It's my fault that I didn't help her. Sure, I tried. But then when she came to me in hope of saving Sawyer's life, I thought it was because she was desperate, that they had forced her to do it. Then when I saw the image I couldn't help but think otherwise. Still, when I saw my oppurtunity to help her, I couldn't help but take it. They left, and still she came back for me. Kate came back for me. And maybe that's the part that hurts the most.

I remember her face as I'm being pulled away from her. She looked so hopeful yet confused at the same time. I wanted her to leave because I knew she would be hurt. Making a deal with the Others to let me go home failed, and when I saw her again I could have explained. I could have told her the reason why I told her to run. I could have told her that I understood, that I was sorry, too. But I didn't.

Sayid, Juliet, me and Kate headed back to the beach. Things were fine, though a little tense. Anyone would be stupid if they thought that nothing would change after being gone for so long. I settled in my tent and with Juliet having nowhere else to go, I gave her some of my material, making my tent smaller. I'm only one person, afterall.

Sayid is crouched over her, patching up her ankle. I want to yell at him, to tell him that it's stupid. That it's useless and is more out of respect than anything else.

It hits me then that that is the exact reason why he's doing it. They gave up. They all gave up.

"No."I run to her side, opposite of Sayid, brushing Kate's hair out of her face. "Come on Kate. This...this isn't like you. You don't back down. You do not give up...not without a fight. So...So why now, huh? Why...Why now?"

I wanted to take that walk. I wanted to go with her, to explain, to get things out in the open. Recognizing the area, it doesn't take long to realize what happened. Kate was probably up on the rocks, letting her clothes dry when she was standing on the edge, slipping, sliced her leg, and caught the current, practically drowning in the attempt to get to shore.

I count to five in my mind, shallowly breathing in and out. I see a few people still standing around, but I can't hear them. Blocking out everything always seemed wierd to me. I never really believed it could happen, but in that moment it did.

Water droplets fell across her face, and before long I realize I'm crying. Crying for her. For me. For the words that were never said. I should have said sorry. I should have given her some sign that I realized it would be okay, that we would work things out.

But the selfish part of me wanted Kate to suffer. I wanted her to feel what I felt, that sickening pain that you just know you shouldn't be feeling, but is there when you see someone you care about with someone else.

I bite my tongue, the cold metallic taste filtering into my mouth. I don't know how many minutes have passed on the beach, but I find myself praying, wishing to whatever God that Kate will be okay. That despite everything that has happened on the island, despite everything and everyone else that has gone wrong, Kate will be okay.

"You could try again."

Sayid's voice comes soft, laced with understanding. It's then that I remember Shannon for the first time in weeks, and realize that he is still pained by the whole ordeal.

"We cannot give up hope. She has not been out for that long, Jack. If you think-"

Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes, trying once again to revive Kate. She has a pulse, which means something. But it's shallow, soft. Like a whisper. "Kate."I whisper, pulling her hand into mine. I hate seeing her like this. She would hate this. People hovered over her, scared as hell. Because that is exactly what I'm feeling.

Kate will be fine. She will open her eyes, she will breathe, and she will be fine.

It's a mantra repeating over and over, echoing in my mind. Kate will be fine. The problem remains that I need to start believing it.

I try again, performing chest compressions evenly, slightly more forceful as seconds go by.

For a minute, I think about it. I really, truly think about it. Life without Kate on the island. I would probably get my way a lot more, that's for certain. But maybe I don't want to get my way. Maybe, for once, I want someone else to get theirs.

"Kate, listen to me. Okay? You-You can't...die. You can't just drift away. I am going to sit here...I am going to keep doing this until you answer me!"My voice gets louder, but everyone pretends not to notice.

"Alright, come on, Jack. You've tried long enough-"

I pull myself free, only to be caught again. "No..she's-"

And then it happens. Soft. Like a whisper, and had I not been paying attention, studying so intesnely, I wouldn't have seen it. Her chest rose. Barely.

"Look...Kate. Kate?"I say, again prying free.

A gasp, a sudden violent cough, and a feeling envelops me that I haven't felt in a while. Kate will be fine.

I hear a groan and look down to see the slits forming from Kate's eyelids. "Jack..."

"Don't...don't talk. Shh-Just-"

Her chest begins to rapidly rise and fall, hungry for air.

"Kate...Kate, calm-"I say, rubbing her arms. For a minute I think I catch a reaction from her, perhaps because I have gotten too close, and I can almost hear the sarcasm laced through her voice when she comments back.

We sit like that, with me studying her, checking her pulse, watching her reaction as Sun ran to retrieve pain medicine. I realize then that I am firmly clutching her hand, using it perhaps like a lifeline.

"Don't ever scare me again."

"Why would it matter?"

Kate's questions guts me like a knife, only sharper than the one previously mentioned. For that moment we're alone, and I feel like I should tell her, like I should offer something to console her. "Because you matter to me, Kate."

Her eyes are loaded with questions, barely able to muster the strength to lift her head. "Jack?"

"I'm here. I'm here, and I am not leaving. Not until I get the full story."

Kate closes her eyes, and for a moment I feel the fear clutch me again. I want to shake her, to touch her just to make sure that she is indeed still alive and okay.

Sun returned with the medicine, assisting me in helping Kate take it. The sky is turning dark, and I know we need to travel back before it gets dark. Rest just seemed to be calling Kate, and I know in that moment she is wondering just how much 'whole story' entails, and I can already see the gears turning in her mind, materializing the sentences and phrases in her mind.

"Sun, can you get her things...I'm going to take her back to the tent."

"Of course."Sun agrees, collecting Kate's clothes.

As I pick Kate up, delicately off of the ground, I've never been more grateful to hold her close to me, but at the same time, I expect a protest.

Charlie offered to open her tent, but I shake my head defiantly. "She's staying with me. I need to monitor her safely."

I have my reasons. Because now I know that everytime I close my eyes, I see that image. I see her fumbling between breathing and lifelessness.

I lay her down, finding enough comfort myself on the sand.

"Jack?"

Her voice comes soft, scratchy. "Yeah?"I whisper.

Her tongue darts out, wetting her lips. "Thanks for saving me."

I fight back a smile, and bite back a "I needed to", finding them both equally arrogant. "Everyone was worried about you, Kate."

"I'm sorry."

I'm brought back to the moment at the Other's camp, but I know better this time. I'm more prepared and worried this time. "Me too."

"For what?"

Words should come easily at this point. Things need to be said, feelings need to be faced. I know that, and I know Kate knows that.

"For a lot of things."

Kate gets this look on her facem teary-eyed and shaky. "Jack..."

"Kate..."I warn, knowing that too much excitement too soon isn't good for her.

"No, Jack-"

"Kate."I say, watching her reaction. "You...You nearly drowned out there. Had Jin not been watching..."I stop, feeling the water droplets trickle down my face. At this point I'm too stubborn to admit that they are indeed tears. "I should have walked with you."

"You didn't have to."

"But you asked me too, Kate. And I didn't."I avoid her gaze, feeling her fingers brush against mine.

"Jack-"

"Kate, we don't-"I search for the words, knowing the moment is coming. "We aren't...we weren't-"

I watch as a lone tear falls down her cheek, and reach down to wipe it away. Acting on impulse, but mostly because now I just feel the need, I lean in closer, brushing my lips against hers in a kiss. I never realized how important Kate was to me, how much there was there. When I pull back, I watch her tired expression, worried and thrilled at the same time that she's okay.

"I'm so tired..."She whispers.

"I would be, too. You had a lot of waves to fight against."

"I missed you."

The words come, taking a minute to register with me. A smile crosses my face, the first time in days. "I missed you. And for the record...I um, I would have done the same...probably even worse had we been in opposite positions."

A notion passes between us as the both of us know we're beyond talking about her accident.

"Thanks for saving me."

And it happens like that, she managed to find strength to speak, but sleep is beginning to take over. I don't want to leave. There is no way I'm leaving Kate's side now. Not after everything that has happened. I gently wrap an arm around her shoulders, hoping she doesn't object. For now, I need the proof. I need to hold Kate close, to know that she is safe, that she is with me.

There are so many things left that need to be said, so many tears that will probably end up falling, and pain that needs to work its own way out. Morning will come soon enough, and we'll get up, all the while I will be careful of her, watchful of her.

We'll take things slow, we'll talk things through. This time we won't dance around it. As I hear Kate's breathing even out, I listen intently for a few minutes for the slightest sign, the slightest glitch until I am fully convinced. I watch her face, tired and worn. I memorize every scratch, every freckle. The way her hair falls against her face. Just incase I won't get the chance again. The thing is that this time, I know I will.

Because tomorrow, Kate and I will get the chance. We will talk without cages, or glass or handcuffs. This time, we will talk without interruptions. I need it, I know she needs it. As I watch her sleep, I find myself growing tired as well, and before long, drift off, thoughts of the next day lingering in my mind. What was once worry turns into care, into something kin to love. This time, neither of us will turn away.

* * *

**I couldn't let Kate die, and this is due in part to a dream I had. Jack is so worried, and then it happens. If it helps, when I was writing the last part, I had "Lullaby" (from Taking the Long Way) playing...it's such a pretty song, and the image of Jack holding Kate to it is just...sigh. Perfect. ("Is forever enough 'cause I'm never ever giving you up.")...Anyway, good or bad, hate or love, please let me know in a review. I worked hard on this, and I would greatly appreciate it if you told me your thoughts.**

**Thank you SO much for reading!**


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